Friday, May 22, 2015

I am an apostate

We have received the decision from our Stake Presidency about our disciplinary court and it states that we are apostates.  This is a title we wear with honor!  Yes, we are apostates!  We are proud to have been kicked out of an organization that values obedience over truth finding.  We love our Mormon family and friends and recognize that there are many good things in Mormonism, but if it chooses to value certain things that we are morally opposed to, then yes, we are happy to stand up for those values and be cut out of our tribe.  We are sad that they have chosen to do this, to isolate themselves from those that want to help make it a better place.  Those that choose seeking for truth over protecting their image because in the end, the truth will set us free!


We know it can be hard to take a stand, but many are doing it.  As we unite in our efforts to demand love and understanding over isolation and demonization we will all inspire others to do the same.  No longer are ex-Mormons being seen as people that want to leave to sin or because they were lazy.  More and more good people, wanting to make the world a better place, are leaving and to discard the bad of their religion and moving on to a better place by keeping the good.  Inspire those around you to do the same.  Stand up for truth and righteousness!



See our other post about leaving the Church but not leaving it alone -

17 comments:

mamallama said...

It dawned on me tonight that one of the reasons I believe that anyone is ever excommunicated is so that they can be re-baptized if they ever choose to re-align their lives with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints later in their life. Your stake president is a good, honest, and loving man and I have no doubt in my mind that tonight was difficult for him, just as it was for you and your wife. It is my personal belief that our purpose in life is to be HAPPY and the only person who can judge our happiness is ourselves. To make a point I'm going to use a metaphor. Rock climbing does not make me happy. I do no see it as something I would enjoy doing and I think it's even quite dangerous. I know people who think rock climbing is the greatest thing in the world. They go as frequently as they can, indoor and outdoor. They can't get enough. They really love it and don't see how anyone could live their life without giving it a try. I do not see what they see or have the same feelings they have. I haven't even given rock climbing a chance because it is that unappealing to me. But I do not spend my free time trying to prove that rock climbing should not be done. I do not research how many people have died rock climbing or research the evolution of rock climbing gear. My rock climbing loving friends do like to find people who are interested in going along and even are apart of some rock climbing communities. But as for me, I live my life doing what makes me happy and avoid that which does not make me happy. I try new recipes and do fun things with my kids instead of trying to convince the world of my distaste of rock climbing. I hope that you can find away to do that too. Live your life to the fullest doing what makes you happy. If finding flaws in the LDS chuch and exposing them on social media is really what gets you jazzed to wake up each morning, keep at it but I seriously doubt that is what brings you the most joy in life. I wish you and your family well.

Andrea Rice said...

I think a better analogy would be if you were a person who was raised your whole life in a rock climbing cult that indoctrinated you with false rock climbing techniques that caused many to be injured or killed and when you found out that there is a scientifically proven better and safer way to rock climb, you started sharing those facts with your loved ones. The leaders of the rock climbing cult didn't like that, because it undermines their authority. They don't want people to know the truth. But you believe in telling the truth. You also still love the Rick climbing of your youth and you don't wish to stop. You do want ti climb with your friends and your family. But you want to si it safely and you want others ti be safer. You get excommunicated from your rock climbing cult because you shared those truths, but you still love your friends and family who continue to believe in it and continue its faulty and dangerous practices. Yeah, it's more like that.

Anonymous said...

I agree with what Andrea Rice said, the reality is that this is all our tribe and we all deserve to be listened too. There are beliefs, and practices that need to stop. How much earlier could the treatment of Blacks within the LDS church be hastened had large members spoke up and said, "this is wrong and we need to change".

Anonymous said...

Let me fix your rock climbing analogy, because as it stands, it makes no sense whatsoever.

You are born to parents who belong to a rock climbing organization. When you are 8 years old, your parents initiate you into said organization and you become a member for life. You are taught for your entire childhood that when you die, you will never see your family again unless you spend your life dedicated to everything the rock climbing organization tells you to do. You must be obedient and you must not question authority. Later in life you start to notice things that don't sit well with you. The organization won't let certain groups of people climb with them, they make the women belay all day long while the men climb. They demand 10% of your income and that you spend huge amounts of time away from your family climbing in a group of their choosing. As you dig deeper, you learn that the rock climbing organization was founded by a man who married 14 year old girls and other men's wives and quite possibly founded the whole organization just to get money and power. You think to yourself, "this doesn't seem right." Rather than leave behind all of your friends and the community you were raised in, you voice your concerns and advocate for positive change. The organization doesn't like this, so in the name of "love" they officially kick you out. They make sure to emphasize the fact that you are losing all blessings associated with rock climbing and let you know that you are damned to an eternity without those you love. To equate your lack of a desire to rock climb with someone being excommunicated is ridiculous at best.

Jeff Anderson said...

Welcome to a new world to continue exploring and congratulations on holding onto your convictions to see it through. It's a beautiful spring day.

Clint Hansen said...

Well said Andrea and "Anonymous". I love your fix on the rock climbing analogy. Perfect

Chris Dutkiewicz said...

I think with the excommunications we are having now in the social media age, we can sort of create a spectrum. Your excommunication certainly falls or creates a much lower end of the spectrum. To the extent that you feel sadness, I am sorry. To the extent you feel relief, I embrace you. To the extent you feel confusion or frustration, I encourage you. Thank you for sharing your story.

Anonymous said...

A dentist with a Facebook page is more powerful than the Gospel and Holy Ghost in convincing people of the truth.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Chris' comment. I strongly disagree with the excommunications of Dehlin and Kelly and I support their work; however, I understand where the Church was coming from in taking disciplinary actions. Dehlin and Kelly challenged Church authority and set up communities for people to obtain truth and guidance outside of the priesthood chain of command. The Church acted stupidly but predictably.

With the Calderwoods, we now have a much lower bar and arbitrary standard for excommunication. The message is "Don't just doubt your doubts - bury them deep down and never bring it up." LDS members of the Calderwoods' stake with any doubts must now fear no one finds out their secret thoughts.

This disciplinary action is especially ridiculous because the Calderwoods had already separated themselves from the Church. They weren't in Sunday School every week making statements that upset the TBMs. This court of love wasn't about helping the Calderwoods repent but rather discrediting them in the eyes of TBMs.

The Man of Steele said...

The LDS Church: Shooting themselves in the foot since 1830.

Clean Cut said...

I'm genuinely curious how well President Hugh B. Brown would be received by your stake president today:

"I hope that you will develop the questing spirit. Be unafraid of new ideas for they are the stepping stones of progress. You will of course respect the opinions of others but be unafraid to dissent if you are informed. Now I have mentioned freedom to express your thoughts, but I caution you that your thoughts and expressions must meet competition in the marketplace of thought, and in that competition truth will emerge triumphant. Only error needs to fear freedom of expression. Seek the truth in all fields, and in that search you will need at least three virtues: courage, zest and modesty. The ancients put that thought in the form of a prayer. They said, 'From the cowardice that shrinks from new truth, from the laziness that is content with half-truth, from the arrogance that thinks it has all truth – O God of truth, deliver us'."
-Hugh B. Brown (speech given at BYU, 1958)

Anonymous said...

A church that fears honest debate about its truth claims is a church that is in dire need of change. Maybe the answer to how to force change is group shunning of the leadership? The church is us and we can simply change at the grass roots level by not listening to any deplorable advice from the pulpit. Also, if that is coupled by non-payment of tithing, then we might have something .....

Anonymous said...

to mamallama...
Why don't you give to an organization hundreds of thousands of dollars that you believe is the "true" church only to find out it's a big lie. Spend over 40 years defending it and testifying only to conclude you made a silly mistake and then just go on with life and be joyful. Walk away without feeling anything. Absurd! I don't even know where to begin to help you understand how you are oversimplifying the experience people go through. More courage than you have ever exercised goes into speaking out publicly than you even know. I have a feeling that you will one day appreciate the courage Carson and Marisa are exercising. Many of us were just like you. "The harder they come they harder they fall". Luckily for you there are people out there like these wonderful people to help you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and know your not alone. A faith crisis is all consuming. You create an entire new world view bringing some of what you appreciated in Mormonism, grabbing new concepts and learning to be okay not having all the answers. Even harder is shedding that black/white I have all the answers arrogance that has been so deeply instilled from years of the mormon world view. Maybe you can relate by thinking about the recognition you give lds converts when they join the church despite losing their families support and association. Oh how wonderful their faith is. I would advise against Monday morning quarterbacking the Calderwood's situation and many who still go to church and do so in much agony as we sit quietly disagreeing with the lessons and the church's stance on things that are damaging to the psyche. All I can say is thank you so much to the Calderwood's for being true pioneers and standing for truth despite being misunderstood and misrepresented by shallow superficial thinking.

Kevin Rex and Family said...

Thank you, Sis and Bro Calderwood. Thank you for being courageous. As a gay man who came out of the closet very late in life (49, I'm now 51), and left the LDS Church by resignation last year, after trying with "every fiber of my being" to reconcile the two things (gay and Mormon), I appreciate everything you stand for (and against). Thank you, a million thank you's.

Anonymous said...

Typical liberal hypocrisy.

Anonymous said...

So now instead of worshiping the Savior and following the prophet; Carson worships his own intellect and follows Richard Dawkins. He has traded the things in the church that we require faith and don't always make sense for those in science that we don't yet understand either.

Carson Calderwood said...

Anons, I removed the photo for being over the line on what I consider constructive discussion and opinion to just intending to be hurtful :-(

Also, I'd reply to anon 1, "typical conservative cowdardice in not posting your name to a comment like that."

Anon 2, faith is in things you can't know, not things you can. You can look into the history. JS did some terrible things and went against his own scripture in several ways. I still have faith that there could be a God, but the proponderance of evidence against Mormonism being God's one true church makes the conclusion pretty obvious to me. How long would you tell a Jehovah's Witness to stay in their religion despite your view that it isn't God's church?.....